Saturday, December 24, 2005:
sigh, maybe i'm one gloomy person after all. life's changed. i mean, half the time i'm like out of this world. not that i'm in another, its just that, well, i'm zoning out most of the time thinking of absolutely nothing. really. nothing's in my head. and its totally scary. this is happening more and more often now. sigh. especially everytime i'm alone. its so hard to concentrate on stuff too, cos of this. i just start blanking out. maybe i need help. and there's so much stuff to worry about, it seems like the list is neverending. life in aust, family, friends, school, myself... sigh. i cant help it. and sometimes? i wish god was someone more physically present. at least it'll be easier. or like he'd send someone, an angel perhaps. i dunno. its so hard to keep hoping, keep believing, that some miracle will happen. everything seems to be a mess. maybe its good to go to aust then. start a new phase of my life. and leave everything behind. leave everything that's haunting and hurting me. maybe then life will start to pick up. maybe that's why god's sending me to perth. at least i dont really have to worry abt jc then. maybe.
anyway. in the meantime, i'll just keep trusting. and hoping for a miracle. god's there. right?
a shout of praise.
3:28 AM
